I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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