i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
is that a dick in a sweater?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
