Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
