I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
