i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
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This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
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There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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