I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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