PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
