How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
