dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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