At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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