i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
