I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
