but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
