Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
