we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
