Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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