I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
