at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
