I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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