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I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The power of my boobs compel you
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
