Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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