He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
