the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
