She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
