im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
