Me. At least after what I've been through.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
