Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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