What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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