Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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