nut hugger
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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