tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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