i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
