if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize