Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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