Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Sacagawea was the original milf.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Drunk is a universal language darling
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
