just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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