I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Is it because I queefed?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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