This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
