i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
