no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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