The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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