Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.

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(914): View more from New York

i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.

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(248): View more from Michigan

the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.

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(209): View more from California

High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"

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(952): View more from Minnesota

You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...

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(808): View more from Hawaii

Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.

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