when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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