So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
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We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
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I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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