The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
