You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
