I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
