Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
