I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
