Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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