Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
