My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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