Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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