I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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