I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
