lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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