Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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