Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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