If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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