The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
