I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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