There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
